almost gone..

After our Christmas breakfast, Jeff left and promised to be back, pero nde na sya naka balik.. may bisita na daw sila.. my joyful day started to be ruined. He didn't keep his promise that he'll be back. Hanging gabi bad trip na ko sa kanya.. ang mean ko no? Stubborn. I was nagging Jeff already.. kung ano-ano na ang mga sinasabi ko sa kanya..small things na hindi sya nag hug-back sa akin on Christmas eve, naalala ko and sobrang tampo talaga ko sa kanya.. and wanted to call off the wedding all because of the petty stuffs, like he lost my credit card bill, was crying all night,. Feeling ko kasi mashado na sya pasaway..na tipong lahat I need to organize for him. Tama nga si geri, buti na lang at love talaga ako ni Jeff.. at 2am I got a text from him, I thought kasi wala na talaga kme.. he texted me na i-work out namin ang mga problema.. was able to sleep na ng maayos bcz of that text.. the thing is, the next morning, got another from him that he's expecting a new set of friends that'll be coming over sa kanila in the afternoon.. eh hello! May usapan po kaya kme na lalabas kme ng Monday..hay.. hayun, sobrang bad trip na naman ako..

he tried na lambingin ako.. he went sa bahay.. and asking me to go with him to prepare food for his friends.. ayoko nga! Sa galit ko sa kanya, at sinabi ng ayoko muna sya maka usap, nasisigawan ko na nga sa galit ko eh.. I locked my self sa room..nde ko na sya ulet nilabas.. don’t care khet pagalitan ako nila mame at nag aaway kme.. ayun, nag sawa din..left a note sa may door ng room ko.. he won't bother me na daw ever.. that he's letting me go.. at that time, I didn't worry..but was neither happy.. I don’t know how to describe what I felt that time.. maybe kasi im still mad at him.. I didn't text him, nothing.

So that afternoon, I spent time with Bryan, since feeling ko pareho kme walang partner..so treat ko nga sya sa jollibee.. and funny, akala ng mga tao, anak ko si Bryan.. Ü nag grocery tuloy ako para makalimutan ang bad trip ko kay Jeff.. but still, makulit pa din.. sinusuyo pa din ako.. pero I was firm. No, nde ako mag papasuyo, dahil nag sasawa na ko sa ugali nya.. he'll promise na naman na he'll change..pero sooner balik naman sa dati..

Hanging gabi nde sya sumuko.. he went pa din sa bahay at 11 pm, when everybody's sleeping already.. he wanted to talk, pero as in ayoko! Since ayaw nya umuwi.. I got his things sa kwarto ko.. lahat sinoli ko sa kanya.. even our engagement ring..sinoli ko sa galit ko.. he was crying, begging.. pero that time ubos na po ata luha ko.. I pushed him away.. I said, I quit. Wedding is cancelled.

The next morning got no text message.. had coffee.. and muni-muni..as in blank ako.. dumating si ate..nag babayad ng utang sa akin.. I said wag na..sabi nya bawi na lang daw sya sa kasal ko..uh-oh.. can't hold back the tears.. pano ko kaya sasabihin na hindi na matutuloy ang kasal? Dati feeling ko, ako lang ang concerned sa kasal namin.. now my sister remided me of the wedding I'm planning to cancel.. sinasadya nyo ba? Tas ang all my life, na madalang ko na marinig sa radio.. is now playing! Hello! Christmas songs kaya patugtugin nyo! =(

Went to the office at lunch time.. kakatamad as usual.. napansin ni Monica na swollen ang mata ko.. sabi ko na lang.. sobra sa tulog..pero actually, if they knew me better, they can easily tell na umiyak ako.. had a chat with Gerard.. a married friend.. ayun..share ko lang ung situation ko.. sarap pa nga sapukin eh.. kinampihan pa si Jeff.. at ako pa ang mali.. nde ko matanggap na ako pa ang mali.. ang tanong ko.. blet kelangan parati ako umintindi..eh ako na nga dehado? Bket ako pa ung masama.. eh ako ung nasasaktan? Madrama na kung madrama.. pasensya na.. i thought I knew everything..

Hay.. sabi ni Gerard, ganon daw talaga..if mahal mo isang tao, tanggapin mo sya.. and I must learn to accept the fact na he'll spend more time with his friends and family.. since last naman na daw un..feeling ko kasi im the second or third priority na lang kay jeff.. he would remember me lang if wala na pumapansin sa kanya, and galit na nanay nya sa kanya.. hay.. corny, pero that's what I felt.. sabi nga sa isang comment sa blog ni reeyuh.. we are all fools pag dating sa love.. sabi pa ni Gerard, its better to lose your pride with the one you love that lose the one you love..

Maybe Jeff knew that line..that he really doesn't want to lose me.. kasi after an hour, manong guard is handing me a bouquet or flowers.. I was asking pa nga kung for whom ung flowers.. eh ako lang naman babae sa area ko.. 6 pink roses, perfectly arranged to melt anyone's heart.. when I opened the card, a sorry message.. Jetaime..reading the last word, alam ko na sa kanya galing.. and mejo hindi ko lang naman napigil ang umiyak.. I was sobbing on Jass' shoulders.. saka lang nila nalaman na we we're having problems.. and that I was not wearing my ring.. Sending flowers is totally not an Ilo style. but he did it still just to win me back..

Last night we talked already.. and told him I felt so tired na..and I hope hindi na maulit ung misbehavior ko.. hope ma overcome pa rin namin lahat ng trials along the way..

Sobra haba na pala ng blog ko.. thanks for taking time..Ü