irony on mother's day

updates.. updates..

i met another OB last 4 May, as recommended by my tp. good thing there's an available slot on that day. this OB is older and much more experienced, hence she's straightforward. when I was registering at the counter, i had to answer one question that they provided. "Are you keeping the pregnancy?" - I answered YES.

when we met up with the doctor, we told her that we're there for the second opinion. she asked the usual stuff. we asked if she wanted to see my previous scans, she answered "no need" and guided me to prepare for the ultrasound. this is it.. the final confirmation.

As she placed that "scanner" on my tummy I immediately looked at our baby at the monitor. i noticed that it's small, didn't got bigger, still. I was trying to convince my self that I will see the bump in the middle of this tiny little embryo. there's none. the doctor asked if we were able to hear/see the heartbeat from last month. she turned on something to trace any sound/beat from inside my womb. still there's none. the doctor said that it is confirmed. there's no heartbeat for our baby. no change for his size also. he was 12mm nung april 20 and for est. 9weeks, it's too small.

the doctor helped us understand how to accept things as they are. that we should look at it on a brighter side. the embryo didn't continue to its development for reasons no one can specifically define. its a natural selection. if the embryo is healthy enough to survive within its environment, everything will be fine. but then again, its not.

this time around I am prepared, ready to accept things. who am I to doubt His plans for us? He surely have better plans ahead. sana lang masundan namin ang mga guide Nya.

so what will happen next? we tried to wait for me bleed, pero until now wala pa din kahit contractions wala. matindi ba ang kapit? so got no option but to undergo "evacuation of the uterus" - raspa. i-force na linisin yung womb ko.. its the same as abortion, the only difference is that this baby doesn't have a heartbeat. tomorrow i-admit na ako sa hospital. scary.. buti na lang papatulugin daw ako during the operation.

sinabi na namin sa mga parents namin.. and lahat sila gusto akong pauwiin ng pinas. sana nga ganun kadali.. pero hindi kasi ako pwede umuwi. may work na kasi ako.. maybe mas mabuti ng dito na lang ako. para hindi sila masyado malungkot. hindi naman sila dapat mag-worry. we'll be fine. nandito naman si ilo at yung hipag ko.

ang irony nga naman ng buhay.. on mother's day pa maalis ang pagkakataon na maging nanay na ako..

the best I can do..

..is pray and entrust everything that I have, with all my heart, to Him.

we were very happy when we learned that I am pregnant. same with our families and friends. everyone is excited about it. Even I could not contain the happiness, especially my hubby. I already made a routine of eating around 4-5pm since I feel hungry more often. At night, mid-night snack? I'd have rice again. =D 

kaya naman on my 2nd check-up I gained 2kls after 3weeks. my tummy is (a bit) bulgier than ever. I am starting to run out of loose clothes. coz I usually wear body-hugging blouses. hindi ko na sila masuot, magmumukha na akong butete. hihihi. good thing is that I am not suffering much from morning sickness. i'm not nauseous, no vomiting. but i'm always sleepy. I am feeling some discomfort in my tummy, some short-sharp-tolerable pain. I started to associate it to hunger, coz it usually eases after eating.

i feel normal for all these that I am going through. I've read that the tummy pain is due to the uterine wall is expanding as well as the hip muscles, kaya pala minsan masakit yung balakang ko. Again, I feel normal. Although hindi ko alam how a pregnant woman should be feeling. Kung talaga nga kaya normal ako? pero baket naman hindi?

nung 2nd visit namin sa OB, 20 April, according sa calculation nya i'm going on my 8th week. so we were very excited nung in-scan ako. we were expecting makikita na namin yung heartbeat ni baby. he got bigger, around 12mm. mejo nahirapan pa nga sya 'picture-an' ni doc. pero wala pang heartbeat. Hindi ako nag worry after hearing that, coz I know it may take time pa. coz based on 'our own' calculation, i'm around 6weeks pa lang. The OB asked us to be back the next week for another ultrasound. she told us not to worry kasi nga baka mali lang ung calculations. pero sinabi pa rin nya lahat ng posibilities. pero same pa rin naman kame. We are back in our routines and I am resting more often. though that week, I attended some interviews. kasi nga nawalan ako ng work. so kelangan ko maghanap ng bagong work, before pa lumaki ang tyan ko hehe.

after a week, bumalik kame sa OB. praying na sana ok na lahat. pero sabi ni dra. hindi pa rin makita yung heartbeat ng baby namin. i dunno kung makapal lang ba yung bilbil ko kaya hindi makita mabuti or what. I am trying to be just as calm as possible. both ultrasound and trans-V, hindi raw nya makita. sabi ng doc we could wait a while and wait for another week for some development or do some blood tests to check on my HCG count, mas mabilis daw yung blood test. Sabi nya if my hcg count drops then hindi magandang sign. so as not to prolong the agony, we took the blood test monday and tuesday and the signs were not good. at this moment, parang namanhid ako. she's implying something I really won't accept. she's mentioning that we can opt for D&C, to force the evacuation of the emryo. what?? no way. I told her we can still wait for another month and have a check again. pero sabi nya we have to get back to her after 2weeks. fine. in fairness, sinasagot naman nya mga tanong ng asawa ko regarding my health. 

hindi ko alam pano ko na-control yung sarili ko that time. naka-uwi kame ng maayos. casual. nakakatawa pa nga kame. pero once we're alone in our room. it's totally different.

right now, I am still taking my vitamins. i took some folic acid dito sa clinic malapit sa amin, kasi hindi na ako binigyan ng OB ko. still in our routines. i still have apetite for food. i will be seeing another OB next week. I have told mame and sinabi na rin ni Ilo kay nanay. not to make them worry, rather so that they can help us pray. we are not giving up. its just that we have entrusted all our lives with our Lord. 

its our 3rd year..

that's right, it is our 3rd anniversary today. years pass by so fast and I am going to share the story of our greatest gift ever received.

Even before we came to SG I have this cyst in my right ovary that thank-goodness doesn't grow bigger. So just to make sure things are okay, last January, I made an appointment with an OB. she said that my hormones are normal, so are my ovaries and that I am ovulating. however, she found a polyp(s) in the middle of my uterus and that there is nothing to worry, that it may be due to my hormones. So i have to be back that next month for another check-up and be scanned again.

then come Feb we went to Pinas for our two-week vacation. the usual, all of them are eager about us having a baby. well apparently, I had my period during our stay in pinas..so wala pa din laman. then sabi ng isa namin ninang sa kasal, baket daw hindi ko i-try na magpa-hilot. baka daw kasi mababa ang matres ko. eh naisip ko ok lang naman..walang masama sa hilot. besides yun lang ang chance kasi wala namang hilot sa SG.

then 2nd week namin sa pinas, nag pahanap na ng manghihilot. buti na lang may kilala si nanay. twice ako nahilot. sabi nga, mashado daw mababa ang aking bahay bata. then hindi lang yun, pinakain din ako ni nanay ng "blessed manga", para daw magka-baby na kame. at kung ano-ano pang signs. nanjan ung mapupuan ako ng baby pagka-karga ko sa kanya. *eeww* hehehe

so pag balik namin ng SG, after a week ang sched ko sa OB, but I had it changed can't remember why. in the end, bumalik kame ng Mar 20. the usual i was scanned while I was telling the OB that I am 2 days delayed. *wink-wink* but then she told me that she can't tell yet if I am really pregnant since its too early. pero while lying and looking at the screen, I saw this particular thing in my uterus. OB said it was "fluid". dugo? why fluid not blood? anyway, i had a strange feeling na and yung polyp hindi na visible. *smile on my face*.

but that smile isn't for long, since when we were discussing with her, she was telling na if nde pa rin daw ako buntis, she's suggesting for me to undergo some more tests. what? a test wherein they would insert some chemical(?) and then have me x-ray-ed to check if my fallopian tubes are not taggled or something. scarry. ayoko nga. hello, i'm delayed and i'm expecting some support man lang from her that there is a big possibility that I am preggy. pero as if they are really shocked. kulang na lang sabihin nila, wag kanang umasa. inis. pero in fairness, binigyan naman nya ako ng vitamins, just to make sure.

anyway, i waited a few more days. everyday I am expecting magkakaroon ako. pero at the back of my mind. sana wala..sana wala.. i've never been delayed for the past 1 year. so every day na lilipas, we are both excited na wala pa din. Jeff wanted to me to take the preg test na, 4 days pa lang ata akong delayed. sabi ko sa kanya wait muna kame ng 1 week. just to make sure. kasi ayoko ko syang ma-disappoint. so, we are keeping our hopes moderate. keep on praying na sana ito na yung gift Nya.

So I made a decision, I bought a kit and had PT on my 6th day of missed period, when Jeff already left for work, so he doesn't have an idea. when I peed, seconds lang ata nakita ko na that the lines were forming. positive. yes! yippeee. then when it became more clearer, I am already crying. praising God. God gives miracles talaga. i've been wanting to call Jeff kaso baka biglang umuwi ng bahay hehehe. so I grabbed a clean pad and made a letter for the dad-to-be. enclosed the PT inside. left the letter on top of our dresser. i'm thinking for sure makikita nya yun when he comes home. kaso pasaway, ayaw pumasok ng kwarto that night. ewan ko ba. I was expecting makikita na nya yung letter by 7pm. pero kmusta naman, after dinner pa nya nakita. =D

surprised ang dad-to-be. kasi nde nya alam na nag-PT na ako. we're both happy. we've been waiting for this a looong time. then i called mame, ayun tumitili sa tawa hehe. i know she cried. then jeff called nanay, pero si tatay ang una nyang naka-usap. then si nanay the same tumitili din sa tawa. both mag-kumare ay umiiyak sa tuwa kasi magiging lola na (ulet) sila. hehehe

with my disappointment sa dating kong OB, i opted to look for a new one. good thing nakakita kame ng accomodating and friendly girl-OB dito sa SG. I am 5weeks pregnant when she showed us the scan. liit pa. we're happy to see that little ilo in my tummy. hehe =P

I will be back on Apr 20 for my second checkup, hopefully we'll hear the heartbeat by then. can't wait! Jeff's been talking to my tummy hehe. so for our 3rd anniv, what else can i ask for? sana lang I'll always be healthy para healthy din ang baby namin. I am excited for the next 9mos of journey with my little angel and Jeff on my side.

happy anniversary mahal!

Kudos

to Maria Lourdes Bulusan! for passing the Nursing Licensure Exams!

Finally the long wait is over, the results were out yesterday, August 26, 2007, almost 2 months after the exams.

We've been checking on sites for a couple of weeks, kasi sabi dati Aug. 15 lalabas ang results, but then they said towards end of August pala. I've heard from Mame about the news, so we checked right away sa inquirer.net. Voila! Another Bulusan in the lists of passers.

I actually had a dream of Baby (her nick at home) being the top 3 among the examiners. hehe well, good thing Jeff and I didn't push through with our bet nyahaha! =D But seeing her name in the list is a lot lot better than any other. =D I'm sure Tatay and Nanay are very happy about it.

This calls for a celebration! .....oops too bad we're here, we can't celebrate with them. But I think she and Tatay are coming over to SG for a vacation. wooohooo! may bisita ulet kame!

To my hipag, congrats and good luck! hmmm... ibig ba sabihin nito eh pwede na mag-bf?? hehe *tago from kuya ilo* =D

entry for mame

Mother's day has always been a yearly celebration for most of us. Some are having a grand celebration.. for some greeting their moms, a kiss , a hug, some flowers are more than enough to make this day memorable.

Since i've been away from home, I never gave so much attention to celebrating this important day. Now I value my mom more. I used to only greet my mom before. no kiss, no hugs. Just a simple, "happy mother's day mame". no extra sweet gestures. its uncommon for us to show such actions, we didn't grew up that way.

Now i have to settle for greeting mame through the cellphone. just hearing her voice. i'm glad that they are happy at home, that my ate adette is there to greet her also. This time, even if I wanted to hug her and personally thank her for bringing me this way, i can't. I'm just thankful that I was with her through the most troublesome part of her life. I'm thankful that I was her "alalay" during the time that we still have our small carinderia, because I learned a lot through that experience.

at times when she couldn't smile due to fatigue and to much stress. i used to get annoyed. i used to think..what kind of mom is she, she always work. she got no time for her family. she's easily irritated. she whines about small stuffs that i cannot do well. oh dear, now i understand everything.. that she's just human. she worked in order for me to finish college (thanks to the carinderia). she gets tired too, feels pain. but i was too preoccupied then to understand everthing. and now, as I said, I do.

I think the only way I could show my gratitude to my mom is by being a good mom as well to my future children. I hope I could be just the kind of mother that they need me to be.

Happy mother's day to all the mommies out there. to nanay (my mother-in law), thanks for accepting me and loving me as your true daughter. and for mame, i love you..salamat po sa lahat.

gong xi fa cai !!!

yehey! ang sarap pa lang new year dito. pinapauwi kame ng maaga ng boss ko.. woohoo! buti na lang nag paalam si terry na kailangan na nya umuwi.. so, to be fair.. uwi kame lahat ng maaga. yehey! ulet =D meron pa ko bitbit na 2 ponkan! sana may tikoy din noh? mwehehehe

start na ng bakasyon. excited na ako umuwi! grabe todo na 'to! =D

babush!
Happy Chinese New Year to all !!!

my first OT -- Over Tulog!!

nakakahiya man eh i-share ko na din ang isa sa aking mga 'firsts'.

mula ng dumating ako sa singapore sa pasir ris na po ako nakatira. then nagka-work po ako. ang office ko ay sa bedok. so far so good lah. the usual, late ako. minsan maaga. then January, na-deploy na kame sa Boon Lay, ito lang naman ang kabilang dulo ng singapore. ayos diba from east to west ang travel ko.

last sunday, lumabas kame ng mga housemates. nag punta ng Queensway and Tampines. syempre lakad-lakad. late na kame na kauwi. so pagod. nag blog pa ako nun eh. almost 2am na din ako nakatulog, so puyat. then i saw a message on my phone, boss ko. asking me to report earlier the next day sa office.

masakit pa ang ulo ko sa antok, no choice kung hindi gumising at pumasok. tutal makaka tulog naman ako kahit saglit sa mrt. kasabay ko pa si Jeff, pero kasi nauna sya bumaba ng station. eh di tulog ako. nag shades pa ako, para hindi halata na tulog ako. arte noh. eh di tulog. midway nagising ako, narinig ko Outram Park station, so nasa gitna pa lang ako. tulog ulet. then sarap ng tulog ko, naulinigan ko lang Clementi, nde ako gumising kasi 10 mins pa ang travel. so nakapikit pa din ako. then ng magising ako, Jurong East! bket jurong east pa lang ako?? eh Clementi na kanina?? syet! tas nakita ko.. iba na yung set ng tao na nasa mrt!! langya. lumampas na ako ng Boon Lay at bumalik na yung mrt papunta na ulet pasir ris!! grabe, buti nagising pa ako.. at buti na lang sa jurong east pa lang. pero imagine 3 stations yung nilampasan ko!! =( 1 hour yung travel from pasir ris to boon lay eh. sumakay kame ng 8:40, so dapat 9:40 ako nakababa. nasa jurong ba naman ako ng 10:00.. huhuhu =(

ayun, labas agad ako ng train then settled my self for a while. baka mali na naman ang masakyan ko na train. saka ako lumipat sa kabilang platform goin to boon lay again. i called Jeff, ayun tinawanan lang ang katangahan ko. hehe!

baket pa kasi ako pum-westo dun sa pinaka corner. nde ko tuloy naramdaman ang pag labas ng mga tao. nakakahiya talaga. never in my life nangyari sa aken na lumampas dahil sa tulog ako. as in ngaun lang! =( nde ko pa nga ma-imagine before na lalampas ako ng Boon Lay kasi nga end na yun. so eengot-engot. =P

lesson learned, mag set ng alarm pag matutulog sa mrt! =D

a year older

at first i wanted to stop counting my age since i reached 25.. but then.. why should I? i have to keep counting the years of blessings that the good Lord has given me..and will still be giving me. i just have to enjoy each of the days that I am with my husband, friends and family.. =)

my first birthday in sg was a simple one..we just had dinner with tp and my housemates at home. =) it had to be simple, coz honestly i'm more excited for our trip to pinas on the 18th! =D btw, i wanted to thank all my friends who greeted me, either through email,online msgs,text and phone calls.. thank you all guys for remembering.. its more than enough for me. =) and syempre, for some who forgot..i wanted to thank you din, for all the moments we've shared and for just being my friend.. *aawwww*senti* =)


-*balik pinas!*-

hmm..7 days na lang then nasa Tandang Sora na naman kame..=D finally makaka uwi din. grabe i've been away for 6 months na.. and I miss Bryan and Arianne. syempre lahat ng family namin. i'm really excited. ganon pala talaga ang feeling ng mag babakasyon sa pinas. well, i hope it's really a vacation. but I have a feeling that we'll just rush on everything. 1 week is really not enough. we'll be back on the 25th agad. am also worried for the pasalubong. =( *oh no* hehe! bahala na! importante makita na namin family and some friends namin. hehe.

oops! Jeff's soundly asleep. sleep na din ako.. bye for now. =)

*hugs to all*

holidays

finally i found time to blog. since I've missed a lot of time updating, now catching up is much much harder. =P

okay where to start? Christmas!
we had a company-wide game, it's a monito-monita kind of thing. we have around a hundred employees here. so, good luck if you'll be able to find who your 'baby' is. as expected, not everybody received a gift. yes, me included. hehe, pero okay lang khet wala akong gift from my mommy or angel. =P then we had a christmas party here in the office. unfortunately, i was pulled in to join in one of the games, i suppose you know already 'grab that eggplant' game, =P yeah.. hindi ako nanalo! but i won a S$20 voucher sa raffle. pwede na. hehe

these are my pinay officemates, me, fel and sleeping belinda
*- celebration sa bahay -*

syempre may exchange gifts din kame sa bahay..wish list ala code name ang plan. eh di gawa na kame ng mga wish namin,dapat may nickname. after ng first bunutan, may nag tanong.. 'pwede pala ang food noh?' eh di sabi namin hindi pwede,pero hindi namin alam kung sino yung nag-wish nun so carry na sana. eh bigla ba naman nag react tong si Jeff.. as in mega react na 'hindi pwede food??' =D duh.. eh obvious na kaya na sya yung nag sulat..ayun, trice kame nag bunutan. =D but still, yung iba wala pa din nick..hay.. ang kukulet! =D

dec 24, we went to church. first time here in SG. :)

we cooked morcon, pork sinsal, pansit. pwede ba mawala ang fruit salad? =D

first christmas in sg

*- New Year @ Underwater world -*

i missed celebrating new year in the philippines. mas masaya, mas masigla ang paligid. my first time to celebrate new year with the main door of the house closed. no fireworks (maski sa tv) and super quiet, kame lang ang maingay sa hdb namin. we had to close the main door so that we won't disturb our neighbors. KJ. anyway, we had a great time singing and eating. they loved the maja blanca and leche flan that I made, am so happy about that too.

jan 2, we went to Sentosa. i wanted to try the cable car, so we did =D and then we visited the Jewel box for some picture taking (haha! kapal ba?). good thing we were able to get the glass cabin, else we wont be able to get to sentosa before 7pm (we left the house kasi mga 2 pm na yata. =P), ang haba ng pila! then tama ba namang umulan? =P minsan na lang nga kame mag date eh. inulan pa hehe.

then we went to the Underwater world. loved it! sulit! i dunno, even if we waited so long for the orange bus, we enjoyed queuing and chatting. maybe i missed my hubby so much. its been a while since we had a 'moment' together.. we had a great new year..i hope this year will be more meaningful to us, our family and of course, our friends. =)

more pics here.

bmx

yesterday we got our new bike. yep as in bisekleta. when we first got here in SG we really think na convenient pag may bike ka. like pag punta ka ng hawker, sa palengke. sa park. besides, safe naman ang mga roads dito. pwede na kame mag bike mula bahay until interchange mwehehehe! we can save ourselves some extra walk. bad trip lang kasi its been raining hard here since yesterday. hindi tuloy namin ma-testing =P

Jeff had it installed with a basket in front and an extra seat for me at the back hehe! pero nde pa nya nako-convince na umangkas sa kanya, natatakot kasi ako =P baka mamaya masemplang pa kaming dalawa hihihi =P

ang sinsal, bow!

since malapit na ang pasko, mas exciting na ang magluto ng masasarap na foodies. as if naman magaling akong magluto di buh? =p well, isa lang akong dakilang alalay ng nanay ko..at ngaun, ng asawa ko.. =D

for Christmas, may plan ako mag luto ng shrimp & pork sinsal. actually, yun lang ang tawag namin ng mommy ko sa recipe na yun. sinsal kasi ang ginagamit namin to wrap the shrimp, pork, mushroom and other veggies. so i bet marami ang hindi familiar sa sinsal. as i said ginagamit yun for wrapping foods, well embutido lang ang alam kong pinag-gagamitan nun and yun ngang shrimp & pork ko. hehehe. so yun ang problem ko ngaun, where in singapore can I find sinsal?? duh ano kaya ang chinese name nun? i googled it kanina and found that it is caul fat in english. alam na kaya ng mga aunti dito sa palengke pag sinabi ko na caul fat?? =d hay, grabe kung sa pinas ako, mahihingi lang cguro ng mommy ko yun sa suki nya.. =D

although meron naman alternative, pero still nde ko pa din alam ang tawag! keinis na talaga. =P
pwede rin kasi yung pang-wrap ng mga kikiam. sabi ng officemate ko, they have a dumpling here in SG that is wrapped in transaparent, edible wrapper called Loba. Not sure lang with the spelling. ipapa-research ko pa yun sa officemate ko na chinese kung ano ang twag dun, if i won't find any sinsal, sana lang makita ko yung transaparent na wrapper na yun. =D

my new camera-phone!

at long last, i finally own a camera phone! yep ngaun lang ako magkakaron ng camera phone. I been taking care of my samsung x100 for nearly 3 years now. but when i got here in singapore..saw some flyers and advertisements.. i said to myself that my next phone will be a Sony Ericsson K800i. last month, twice na kame bumalik sa shop to check out the phone.. until yesterday Jeff finally got a new line and paid for the unit. thanks mahal! =D *muah!*

the phone is actually the cybershot phone of sony ericsson. with 3.2 mp, complete with all the multimedia features kaya ko sya nagustuhan. i am not really a phone enthusiast, gusto ko lang talaga mag upgrade ng phone and i wanted a unit that will last for a couple of years again. =)

i've read a couple of reviews about it, most of them are good and some are not.. whatever the reviews are.. i really like this phone.. sa dami ng pwede kong piliin na phone, wala talaga kong gusto na iba. yun lang hehehe!

btw, this afternoon we went (my first time) to IKEA in tampines. sobrang dami ng tao! as in, sabi nga nami n nila geri parang concert! but we have no choice but bump ourselves into the showrooms..hindi pa nga namin natapos until magutom na kame. we had chicken wings and swedish meatballs! *yummy!* pag balik try ko yung salmon nila =P

we got new stuffs for the house.. dish rack, hamper, quilt (?), some more pillows and sheets.. saka na ulet yung iba.. para me babalikan pa hihihi! =P i like buying things for the house, wish ko lang we have a bigger space para mas masaya db? =)

we are now connected!

at last we can connect to the internet again!
been very busy and pre-occupied.. though I've been browsing through my friends blog entries.. that's the least I can do, natatamad kasi ako mag-post. =p

last saturday was Jeff's birthday.. humma bertdey honey! =D
we just had dinner at Pasir Ris park with our housemates.. teka, nandito na nga pala ang bagong housemate at reyna ng tahanan.. si gewi. she cooked spaghetti on jeff's bday. thanks to her and the other housemates, we enjoyed the "picnic-poker" session at the park hehehe!

nakakainis, wala akong gift sa hubby ko, kasi nabisto nya ang supposed to be surprise gift ko. don't worry mahal, pwede naman pag sabayin ang christmas and birthday gift db? *hugs*

*next time na po ang pics =D

by the bridge

by the bridge
by annasilaran.

Last tuesday we went out with our housemates. we went to the Esplanade and the Merlion Park. The trip was fun,especially that we have Mon around, hehe! we had our something like "post-nuptial" photo shoot =) you can see some of the pictures here.

holidays

singapore celebrated the Deepavali or Diwali Festival last Oct. 21. and since it was a Saturday, most of the employees had their leaves yesterday. That is why a lot of seats are available in the buses and the MRT. When I arrived at the office, the small team that we have became even lesser since some of them were also on leave. hay.. sana hindi na lang din ako pumasok. =p

then tuesday (Oct 24) is also a public holiday here in SG. the Hari Raya Puasa. and I don't intend to just stay here at home. i want to go out. my pinay officemate told me that the Expo is a nice place to visit (kung may atik ka..=P) kasi marami daw sale. but hubby said we'll go to the city. let's see kung saan kame makakarating. =D

lulubog...lilitaw..

sa wakas nag paramdam din ako..=P it's been a month na pala since my last post and I am happy to say naman na I'm a lot better now (compared to my last entry.. hihi)

i've been through a lot for the past month..was not too busy, but not enough time to post a blog. i wonder why? =P

gewi was here for a week..unfortunately i was sick for 4 days that she was here. nagka totoo nga yung MC ko.. kasi I was telling her (while she's still in manila) that I'm planning to have a leave for that week..ayun na nga. natuluyan! then she had to take care of me, while hubby is out for work. pwede ng nurse si tp..pero naman, hindi ako maka-angal and maka arte.. =C ang strikta po kaya?? =D *love u tp!* but honestly.. i am very thankful she was there..imagine sya pa lang ang nag-alaga sa aken na non-family member..(hiya ako =p)

good thing din because we had the chance to chat and talk about things..yun nga lang nilagnat ako ulet after namin mag rotti prata and mag grocery. =P kaya I missed friday night with Jane and papa Regi.. =C during those times we were in Changi hospital.. buti gumaan na pakiramdam ko after namin sa hospital.. just need to rest for the next 2 days.. so the next day, we played cards since bahay lang kame pare-pareho hehehe! =P

ayoko na ulet mag kasakit d2.. ang hirap, lalo na for Jeff..unlike sa pinas, malapit lang sila Mame, Nanay, Auntie and Mamang.. who can always take care of us and assist on other things.. nakaka-miss..

next time ulet..time for bed..=)

some random thoughts..

its late..a lot of things are keeping me awake..
i wanted to cry.. but i know i shouldn't..there's no reason for me to cry..
but my mind just wont stop generating scenes that may or may not happen..
i am afraid.. i just don't know how tough I am..
am i just projecting that I am strong? pretending.. maybe..

i am happy and content in my life..
pero we all know its not always heaven..there would be some reasons in life that you won't be able to control.. na you just have to accept.. what if you can't accept it? that it hurts so much.. then you don't have a choice.. and since you really do love that someone.. the better thing to do is keep quite and accept you're fate..

why do people have to be so intelligent? can't we just be simple and enjoy the simple things in life? why do we have to experience things.. non-sense stuff.. para lang masabi na you lived your life fully.. why does being simple and conservative isn't cool? am neither conservative nor liberated.. just smart enough to know my limits..

i hope i can always protect the people i love from everything that could harm them..
but am pretty aware that I can't..coz they have a life to live too..
they have to experience everything that would come their way to learn..be hurt..and to be strong.

we can't always consider other people..like.. may gagawin ka tas iisipin mo muna kung ano yung ma feel ng ibang tao about it.. for as long as you want to do it, gagawin mo di ba? kasi if you always consider other people, you can never be trully happy. baket kaya hindi na lang maging happy tayo if happy yung ibang tao? sana ganon na lang ka simple..

for all my troublesome thoughts.. I entrust everything to Him.

..work week and eating out @ marina

days passes by so fast.. i was given a task in the office and we were suppose to finish it yesterday. good thing, the 3 of us (newbies) can't make it on the deadline that's why our tech lead moved our progress meeting to next week. how i wish i could pause the time, so i can meet deadlines.. its not easy learning a new software.. especially if you're meant to customize it. =( i know i can do it.. just have to learn it fast..

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Weekend @ Marina

jeffAnna@marina
by annasilaran.

last saturday, we went to Marina South Hawker Centre and enjoyed ourselves to eat-all-you-can seafood-steamboat. our experience here is different coz we cooked our food on our table. we just had a small pot of water over a stove, w/ a sizzling plate. so we cooked the shrimp, fish, squids, chicken strips, beef strips etc. on the spot! in the end we managed to have our "mixed-soup" =D we just don't know how to call it.. we just dumped different dimsums in it, some veggies and some of the crabs! ayos! =D pa-cham na lasa nung soup hehe!
we finished around 9pm. since we we're so full, we got a taxi on our way home =D

bryan's birthday!!

today is bryan's 4th birthday..

bryan is our "adopted" cousin, who apparently, was intentionally left by his mom..and my tito, mame's youngest brother, brought him to our home some time in January 2003. so when I arrived home that night, I was surprised that we already have a baby at home..instant! =D I was asking my mom, months before that day, if she can still conceive a baby.. kasi i felt a longing for a younger sibling.. so my mom, adopted a puppy! hehe! si kulit. then after a couple of months.. here comes bryan.. =D so since then he became our (if not my) responsibility..i would buy him milk, since he was 4 months old then..if my pay wasn't enough for the budget..my parents was there to help =) and for a couple of months, his father, my tito, brings supplies.. but i can no longer remember the the last time he visited his son..except:

• on bryan's first birthday, my tito arrived with a magician for the kids.
• sometime between bryan's 1st and 2nd birthday.. Hindu Ku nay nag matandaan db?
• New Year's day, 2004,2005, 2006. when we're celebrating family's reunion.

im not mad at my tito naman..anyway.. I am trying to understand him why he seldom visits or sees his son. i know that with his job, he won't be able to support his child. besides, maybe it hurts him more seeing his son grow away from him.. so as not to prolong/worsen the agony..he chooses not see him nay lang.. i don't really know..
I pity bryan when I first saw him.. but I felt happy knowing we're having a baby at home. Good thing he had grown up well (I had a second about this). He's the typical playful child. However, since we watch UFC at home..i guess you have an idea how he plays.. =D yun ang past time nya.. when ever my dad is watching tv, bigla nay lang may dadamba sa kanya.. =) he's all time fave movie is Shrekk, recent fave is Cars. We uses to play Beetles cd just to put him to sleep, mga 1 year old sya nito.. as in gasgas nay yung cd sa kanya..

nakaka miss si kolokoy..kasi malambing sya sa aken and takot sya aken!! ayaw nya ako nagagalit. kasi nakita na nya kung pano ako magalit =D ang dialog nya.. "ayaw galit anna!!" habang umiiyak.. hehe! Daddy ko nag aalaga sa kanya, pati si Kuya Ian nya, away bati sila.. and bryan is already acting as a "kuya" to Ariannel, my niece. mas malambing pa nga si bryan kesa ke arian eh.. =P

sana hindi kame iwan ni bryan when he's already grown up.. alam mu yun, sana piliin pa din nya dade and mame ko, kasi I know sya yung happiness ng parents ko, although madalas sakit ng ulo hahaha! =D

by the way, sabi pala ni Bryan ang name is Bryan Cunanan sapwit !! =D

i hope my blogger pa pag laki ni bryan, so he can read this entry hehe! =D

first day hi! =)

my first day at work here wasn't that traumatic.. thank goodness =)

I used to be early on my first work-days..as in, the only day na hindi ako late..=D
that's why I'm always after a flexi schedule at work..but last Thursday was different..I am late for 10 mins. my TL looked at her watched as she approached me at the lobby, smiling. =) its was raining hard that morning in case she would ask why am I late.. hehe! syempre dapat ready sa alibi..=P

our office is cool..at least on my opinion..hehe!
before you get to the work-place you'll pass through the pantry where the billiards table lies at the center..(oops its not used for dining naman hehe).. we can get free food and drinks at the pantry if we want, except those labeled ofcourse =D

my work place is typical..although my TL said we are transferring to a new building in two weeks time.. there are 3 newbies in the group (including me).. the other 2 guys were malaysian and Indonesian.. so eto na ang story, hindi ko trip yung isa.. yung indo.. kasi suplado sya.. whenever I would ask something, parang halos ayaw nya ko sagutin.. antipats! feeling ko din ma ere sya..(i'm being mean now..) he enjoys his ipod nano.. kiber ko! =P

i didn't had problem about lunch kasi my TL called me for lunch..akala ko nga naiwan na ako at first.. but my TL managed to wait for me hehe..kahiya..=P so the group had lunch at the nearby hawker.. kaso when I ordered my food, i thought it was pork yun pala tofu yung nabigay sa aken.. so bitin! pero okay lang.. i've got not much work to do naman.. just have to read articles and tutorials.. =P

so my first day isn't that bad.. hopefully I'll be able to cope up with the environment..
pang international kasi ang team..=D